Happy Birthdays Exist After All
by btamamura
Summary: For his first 19 birthdays, Gojyo's had nothing but misery. But, he can recall at least three birthdays that are a little more pleasant to remember, and they all have Hakkai in them. Rated for language. Shounen-ai. 58. Gojyo x Hakkai.


**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Saiyuki or the characters, they are the property of the wonderful Minekura Kazuya-sensei._

**Notes: **_**Here we are, another in my series following **__Rings of Promise__**. I started writing the draft for this a few weeks ago, and now that my wrist has given me slight rest from pain, I was able to complete it.**_

_**This fic contains Gojyo x Hakkai, which is shounen-ai. Males in a romantic relationship. If you don't like that, please leave as I don't want any more comments for my fics regarding pairing choices. If you like it, please stick around! Also, there's a language warning courtesy of Gojyo. Enjoy!**_

Sha Gojyo did not want to wake up that morning. It was November 9, his birthday. Unlike the majority of the world's population on their own birthdays, he hated that day. He barely had any positive memories of past birthdays.

His childhood had birthdays full of fear and hate; his stepmother was at her worst when the anniversary of his birth came around. Try as Jien might to protect him, Gojyo still received a lot of unwanted gifts in the form of hits, scratches, hair pulled from his head and many bruises to mark the occasion.

His teen years...well, he was barely managing to survive another year, just because he was some punk-kid hanyou. Instead of celebrating the fact he was another year older, he could only scoff at how unfair the world was for making him live through that hell.

Banri had never acknowledged his birthday in the time they'd lived together. He did hate his birthday, but it would've been nice if the youkai gave him one pleasant memory.

As the sun peeked through the window, the brunette cuddled up to the hanyou stirred and opened tired green eyes. He looked to Gojyo and instantly recognised the look on his face. He'd seen it four times since he'd met him, including that very day. "Gojyo, I'll go talk to Sanzo and see if we can have an extended stay, alright?"

"Thanks." He released him from his firm embrace and watched as his beloved youkai got dressed in a decent enough manner. He watched as Hakkai left the room, closing the door after himself. _Wait. I have had some okay birthdays..._ He heard some grumbling and cursing coming from the next room, knowing just who was uttering many profanities.

Hakkai entered the room wearing what appeared to be a pleasant smile. Gojyo knew better. "Sanzo gave his consent, we shall be staying here for one more day," Hakkai commented as he slid into the bed and resumed clinging to him, much like a koala to a tree.

"What'd you say to him?"

"I simply reminded him of the times we'd ceased travelling for his own concerns, and how it would be quite unfair if he was the only one permitted to do so." He nuzzled his head on the hanyou's shoulder. "Oh, I almost forgot."

"What?"

He looked up at him. "Morning, Goj."

He couldn't hold back a grin. "Mornin', 'Kai." He held him. "Thanks for dealing with His Holiness."

"I know you'd prefer not to face such a harsh world, especially today."

"At least you make it alright." He closed his eyes and recalled the last three birthdays he'd had.

**FLASHBACK**

_**He'd been at the bar until the wee hours of the morning. That wasn't strange. He'd also pretty much drunk the bar into being forced out of business due to lack of booze. That was pretty normal too.**_

_**What wasn't normal was being greeted by a concerned brunette when he'd finally summed up enough courage to try and face the world. "What's up?" He sat at the table.**_

_**"Are you feeling better now?" Hakkai asked as he sat opposite his friend and housemate.**_

_**"Why do you ask? Was I sick?"**_

_**"Well...not exactly." He didn't want to admit to the hanyou that he'd seen him at his most vulnerable.**_

_**"What do ya mean by that?"**_

_**"It's nothing, Gojyo. Please, do not mind me."**_

_**"You asked. Now, I'm asking you. What happened when I got home?"**_

_**"Are you certain you wish to know?"**_

_**"Yeah."**_

_**"When you got home...you were incredibly intoxicated. I tried to assist you, but you waved me away. We kept at it for about ten minutes, until you conceded to my assistance. Just as I helped you into bed, you suddenly gripped me in a firm embrace."**_

_**"I did what now?"**_

_**"You hugged me. I tried to ask if you'd release me, but you wouldn't. I was about to pry you off, but then, you asked me to hold you for a little while. At first, I thought you were joking around, considering your inebriated state. But then, in a tone I can't even describe, you added that in the last twenty years, nobody had held you so gently on your birthday. I consented, and held you for as long as was required." He looked down at the tabletop. "When I agreed...you cried."**_

_**"I did?"**_

_**"I had never seen you cry before, not even when you first told me of your childhood circumstances." He looked up at him. "It was hard to quell you, I didn't have a clue what to do."**_

_**"Did I...say anything?"**_

_**"Just one thing. **__You are the only one to have held me like this and mean it. Thank you.__**" He cleared his throat. "You sounded so lost that all I could do was hold you. I cannot say I blame you for such an emotional breakdown, not after you'd said it was your birthday. I can't even imagine how utterly difficult it was for you for all these years."**_

_**"I kinda wish I could remember now."**_

_**He rose from his seat and approached the currently stunned hanyou. He bent down slightly. "Shall I repeat my actions?"**_

_**"Sure. I...I'd actually like that."**_

_**He was a little surprised at Gojyo's acceptance of his offer. He wrapped his arms around him.**_

_**"Hakkai...this just might be the best birthday gift I've received. Thanks."**_

_**He tightened his hold at those words. He opted to not say anything when he felt the taller male cling to him for dear life.**_

**END FLASHBACK**

"Gojyo?"

"Mm?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just thinkin' about stuff."

"Alright." He didn't push the hanyou to talk, knowing he would when ready.

**FLASHBACK**

_**Gojyo was a little surprised to see a small gift on his bedside table. It sat just behind a box of Hi-Lites, his old lighter and an ashtray Hakkai'd insisted on him having placed there.**_

_**There was a knock on the door, then in came the emerald-eyed brunette. He had a small tray with a plate of food and a mug, presumably filled with hot coffee. "Morning, Gojyo."**_

_**"Mornin'. What the hell is all this?" His tone was full of confusion and curiosity.**_

_**"I know you're not fond of your birthday due to unpleasant memories. But, I wanted to do this anyway. If you don't like it as a birthday gift, then feel free to consider it as something more preferrable."**_

_**He chuckled slightly. "Nah, 's all good. I appreciate it, man. Thanks. But, even a present?"**_

_**"Why not? You were kind enough to get that novel for mine." He placed the tray on the hanyou's lap. "You don't have to get out of bed if you'd rather not. If Sanzo informs us of another mission, I'll either undertake it myself or decline his request."**_

_**"I don't know yet. I might get out of bed, but stay home."**_

_**"Whichever you feel is best, Gojyo."**_

_**"By the way, where's the flyin' rat?"**_

_**"I believe he is a dragon, not a rat. He went out early this morning. It puzzles me as to why though."**_

_**"Whatever. Time to chow down." He felt glad Goku wasn't there that morning. While he didn't mind the golden-eyed youth most of the time, there was no way he would share his birthday breakfast, his first in 21 years, with the ever-hungry boy. "This is great, Hakkai. Probably best I've had."**_

_**"I appreciate the compliment. Once you've finished breakfast, you may open your gift."**_

_**"Cool. Thanks, man."**_

_**In about ten minutes, the food had been happily devoured and it was time to open the gift. It was also time for Hakuryu to return from his brief outing. The tiny dragon perched on the bed and dropped something from his mouth. It was a white daisy. "Kyuu!"**_

_**"Even you?" Gojyo picked up the flower and twirled it in his fingers. "Thanks, Hakuryu." He heard another chirp. He then started carefully unwrapping the very first birthday present he'd ever received. He smiled as he saw a new deck of playing cards. He'd noticed his old deck had seen better days and figured Hakkai must have as well.**_

_**"I wasn't quite sure what to get you. Do you like your gift?"**_

_**"Yeah. I do. Thanks, Hakkai." He opened the box that contained the deck and slid the cards out. He liked the smooth feel of them in his hand. "Wanna play a few games?"**_

_**"Certainly." He sat on the end of the bed and situated the tray so it would smoothly sit between them (he'd already taken the dishes out just before Hakuryu returned).**_

_**They played game after game throughout the day. "Hey."**_

_**"Yes?"**_

_**"Thanks. Really. This has been my most enjoyable birthday yet."**_

_**"Is it alright to say it now?"**_

_**"Sure. It won't feel like bullshit now."**_

_**"Happy birthday, Gojyo."**_

**END FLASHBACK**

_And then, my last one was not long before this frickin' journey. It wasn't as fun as my 21st, but still ranked better than the crap I'd had to deal with through every other one before Hakkai came into my life._

**FLASHBACK **

_**Gojyo lay in bed, his skin pale but eyes, hair and cheeks all a matching crimson.**_

_**Hakkai entered the room. "The doctor informed me that you are to be confined to bed until you're fully recovered. And, I'm also afraid that smoking and alcohol are out of the question for now."**_

_**"Damn it. I don't mind staying in bed, I planned on it anyway. But, no smoking? Fuck. That."**_

_**"I'm terribly sorry, Gojyo, but it will hinder your recovery." He sat on the end of the bed. "But, I'm certain it won't take too long for you to recover."**_

_**"Yeah. Right." Gojyo knew Hakkai was correct. In the past when he'd had the flu, his youkai-half had kept him from suffering as bad as full-humans were. His recovery time was also at least a quarter of the usual. "Just what I need, and today of all days."**_

_**"I will do my best to ensure this birthday will be at least slightly pleasant. For now, though, you should try to get some rest. I will be back in a little while to check on you and give you your medicine."**_

_**"Oh, fuck no. I'm not takin' any fuckin' medicine."**_

_**"I am afraid you do not have a choice in the matter." He patted Gojyo's leg and rose to his feet. He made his way out of the room, gently closing the door after himself.**_

_**The hanyou laid back and sighed. "Fuckin' flu."**_

_**An hour later, Hakkai entered the room. "Gojyo, it's time for your medicine."**_

_**The hanyou opened his eyes. "No medicine."**_

_**"It won't taste bad, I was fortunate enough to get it in pill form."**_

_**"Guess that'd be okay. Just as long as it wasn't any of that foul-tasting crap." He sat up while Hakkai opened the box and prepared to pop two pills into his friend's hand. He also had a glass of water ready. **_

_**Gojyo downed the pills and water with ease, used to it after years of taking asprins to deal with hangovers. He sat the glass on the bedside table, watching as Hakkai refilled it.**_

_**"You need to keep hydrated," he simply explained.**_

_**"Hey."**_

_**"Yes?"**_

_**"Don't worry about getting me a gift this year. This is fine."**_

_**"Gojyo?"**_

_**"If I ever got sick as a kid, I'd have to take care of myself. Jien would try to, but Mum would always stop his attempts. Like hell she'd do anything to help. So, it was up to me to take care of myself." He looked at his hands, unaware he'd clenched them into fists and was grabbing his blanket. "Nobody else has taken care of me so...thanks. Consider this as a gift I'd like, okay?"**_

_**He smiled softly and rested a hand atop Gojyo's. "Taking care of you is something I want to do. I will do so every time, you know that. I'm doing this because you're my friend, not because it's your birthday." His smile shifted slightly into a bit of a smirk. "Besides, the store doesn't offer refunds so it's not like I can return it."**_

_**"You got me somethin'? Why?"**_

_**"The same reasons I'm taking care of you. Because you're my friend and I want to. Do I need any more reason than that?"**_

_**"Thanks. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful. I'm just not quite used to it." He looked up at his friend and smiled weakly. "I'm too used to nobody giving a shit about me, or having ulterior motives for their good deeds."**_

_After so many years, it is of little wonder that is the case.__** He squeezed Gojyo's hand. "Would you like your gift now?"**_

_**"Yeah. Thanks. By the way, where's Hakuryu?"**_

_**"He's having a rest for now, he carried me into town so I could get your medicine. I'd requested of him to keep quiet today since you need rest."**_

_**"Thanks, I appreciate it. Don't get me wrong, he's alright, but there are more times we fight than we don't."**_

_**"I understand, it has been like that since I brought him home that rainy night almost two years ago." He turned from the bed briefly. "I will return in a minute, I'm just going to get your gift. Okay?"**_

_**"Sure thing." He watched him leave the room and waited for him to return.**_

_**The youkai entered the room, gift bag in hand. He was smiling pleasantly. "I hope this is to your liking." Hakkai handed the bag to the hanyou, then sat on the end of the bed.**_

_**"Thanks." He looked into the bag, then pulled out three items - a white scarf and white pair of mittens. "You...did you make these?"**_

_**"I'd been steadily knitting them since last winter. I had noticed that you are not particularly fond of cold weather, and your old scarf wasn't doing much to help you keep warm."**_

_**"Yeah, it has seen better days..."**_

_**"And you lacked a pair of mittens."**_

_**"But...you said something about a store not offering refunds."**_

_**"Naturally, since I've crafted something, the wool I used cannot be returned."**_

_**"Heh, that's true." He decided to try them on. He slipped on the mittens, then wrapped the scarf around his neck. "They fit great and aren't itchy."**_

_**"I'm relieved. I made certain to choose wool that was suitable for skin contact."**_

_**"Thanks, they're great. But, Hakkai?"**_

_**"Yes?"**_

_**"Since when have you known how to knit?"**_

_**He just laughed in response.**_

_**That was how they'd spent the rest of the day, aside from Hakkai leaving the room to either fetch Gojyo's medicine or meals, or to allow Gojyo to rest quietly. Other than those occasions, Hakkai would be seated on the bed and sharing conversation and smiles with the hanyou.**_

**END FLASHBACK**

"'Kai?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm gonna get out of bed today. Maybe you and I could go out and do something. But, I don't wanna get up just yet."

"Oh?"

He turned onto his side so he was eye-to-eye with his beloved youkai. There was a certain gleam in his eyes, and when he heard Hakkai chuckle, he knew his intentions had been made clear. He closed the gap and captured his lips, allowing the kiss to be tender at first, then making it develop further.

They lay cuddled together, both feeling extremely satisfied. Gojyo kissed Hakkai on top of the head. "Thanks, Hakkai."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"You know how shit my first 19 birthdays were, whether I was beaten to death or scorned for being who I am. But, ever since you came into my life, my birthdays have actually been full of good memories. I never even thought that would be possible. But...all morning, I've been thinking about my last three birthdays. How you held me on my 20th, gave me my first gift for my 21st and took care of me on my 22nd." He tightened his hold. "Hakkai, I never thought _happy birthday_ would apply to me, but thanks to you, it does. So, thanks for giving me birthdays worth remembering."

Hakkai smiled gently. "I shall continue to do just that, Gojyo. Even if we weren't in our current relationship, I'd still do so, because you're my best friend. I love you, and I know you are a person who deserves pleasant memories after all you've been through." He shifted slightly so he could kiss his beloved hanyou on the cheek. "Can I say it?"

"Sure. It doesn't sound like bullshit, and it's all thanks to you."

"Happy birthday, Gojyo. I love you."

"Thanks, love you too."


End file.
